The Ballad of the Cat and the Hound
A musical tale of mischief, adventure, and pet shenanigans
Introduction
Before we begin this epic ballad, a quick introduction to our protagonists:
Stinker Bell (a.k.a. Stink Rat) - My clever, slightly murderous cat who dreams of outdoor adventures and bird hunting.
Meat Head (a.k.a. Duke, Lugnut, the Nasty) - My lovable, not-so-bright hound who has never met a smell he didn't want to roll in or a disgusting thing he wouldn't eat.
And on the curious repeated phrase "Seven" - this is an inside joke between my partner and me. In our household headcanon, this is how our pets say "I love you" to each other. Why seven? It makes absolutely no sense, and that's precisely why it's perfect.
Now, grab a drink, imagine a tavern melody (specifically "Ragnar the Red" from Skyrim), and enjoy the ballad of my ridiculous pets.
The Ballad of the Cat and the Hound
Verse 1
Oh, there once was a feline, Stinker Bell was her name,
A sly little gremlin, too clever to tame.
And beside her, a brute, ol' Meat Head so proud,
A slobbering hound with a bark that was loud.
Verse 2
Now Stink Rat, she dreamed of the world past the door,
The birds and the bunnies, the hunt and the lore.
But locked in the house, she would sulk and she'd sigh,
Till Lugnut, the Nasty, said, "Let's give it a try."
Chorus
"Seven," he whispered, his tail wagged with glee,
"Seven," she answered, perched high on the tree.
With schemes in their heads and a gleam in their eyes,
The cat and the hound would take to the skies.
[Add note here?]
Verse 3
Now Duke was a genius—or so he had thought,
For doors could be opened if pushed hard and fought.
With paws full of power and slobber to spare,
He shouldered it open—fresh outdoor air!
Verse 4
Out darted Stinker, her whiskers all twitchin',
Dreaming of murder—her tail high and switchin'.
While Meat Head behind her, so happy and stout,
Rolled in the dirt as his partner scoped out.
Chorus
"Seven," he whispered, as she hunted with pride,
"Seven," she answered, as she skulked at his side.
The cat was the brains, the hound was the brawn,
Together they'd feast till the daylight was gone.
[This dynamic is 100% accurate - she's the criminal mastermind, he's the muscle.]
Verse 5
A bird met its end by Stinker's swift claws,
While Lugnut found something—ah, truly a cause.
He gobbled it quickly, much to her disdain,
For Duke loved the taste of the poop in the plain.
Verse 6
"Oh, Meat Head, you fool! That's vile, that's sick!"
But Duke only grinned and gave it a lick.
He danced and he pranced, a buffoon full of cheer,
While Stink Rat just gagged, regretting her peer.
[I cannot emphasize enough how accurately this portrays my dog's enthusiasm for eating shit.]
Chorus
"Seven," he whispered, still licking his prize,
"Seven," she groaned, rolling her eyes.
The hound and the cat, so different yet true,
A bond forged in chaos, for me and for you.
Outro
But just as their journey was reaching its peak,
A door swung wide, and they both heard a shriek.
For standing right there with a furious sound,
Was their keeper, enraged, homeward-bound.Back through the door, they were tossed in a flurry,
Duke wagged his tail, while Stinker looked worried.
But locked up again, they still dreamed of the day,
When once more together—they'd sneak away.
Afterword
This ballad was inspired by real events. My partner and I have caught these two partners-in-crime plotting escapes numerous times. Their unlikely friendship - the calculating cat and the himbo hound - continues to bring chaos and joy to our home.
Despite their different approaches to life (murder vs. eating garbage), they share a special bond. When no one is looking, you might catch them cuddling or grooming each other, though both would deny it if confronted.
As I write this, Stinker is napping while Meat Head snores on the couch, likely dreaming of their next great escape.
Seven, my chaotic pets. Seven.